We're adding 2 sheets of 2" polyiso(4" total) on the outside of our existing house.
We're attaching it with 6" deck screw through 1x lumber so that we too have a rain plane. The siding is fiber cement attached to the battens. So from the outside of the house you have:
HardieBoard - 1x3 battens - 2" polyiso - another 2" polyiso - vapor barrier - wall sheathing - wall
We basically followed this:
Figure 2. Wall with rigid foam on exterior of sheathing.https://www.homeenergy.org/archive/hem.dis.anl.gov/eehem/96/961110.html
There is a discussion about whether the vapor barrier goes inside or outside the polyiso. There is no consensus and since the foam itself is a vapor barrier so I suspect that it makes very little difference.
We're adding a new SIP second storey. The walls are 8¼" SIPs. We're going with a truss roof with energy heel (cantilever) trusses. We want the storage. SIP roofs are expensive and while you can make quality, cool, high catherderal ceilings, it seems a little excessive when we'd just be storing stuff.
Without giving away anyone's trade secrets, the raw panels should run about $3.50-$4.00/sq.ft. Figure about 10% less than the total wall area since you'll have windows, if someone does a good takeoff. For $2500 in lumber costs, I assume that your looking at a couple of hundred feet of walls, say 200ft of 8' walls, so you should be looking at about $5500 or so for the raw panels.
If you're paying the panel builder to cut and frame openings, then expect more BUT if you're paying the panel builder to cut the openings then the $4000 on-site cost seems way out of line compared to the $1000 framing estimate. If you're not paying for the panels to be cut by the manufacturer, then the $10,000 sounds high (but you didn't say how long or how high your walls are).
If you've got a really complex build then the stick framing may be easier, but I doubt you do if you have a $1000 framing estimate.
The other reason that I think you have an estimate from someone not interested in SIPs is that SIP panels come with wiring chases already cut, so wiring is certainly no more difficult than standard framing - even for an electrician with no SIP experience. From what I hear, if the elecrician has SIP experince it's lower cost than stick framing.
It does sound, from the framing costs, as though you may have a very hungry builder, so maybe the stick framing will end up being your most cost effective option.
There are some real horror stories of contractors around here (and probably everywhere). One of the reason we were going to prefab all the framing was we didn't want a contractor taking off (part of) our existing roof and then standing there with a skillsaw and sledgehammer saying that he needed more money. You can always find excuses to up the estimate if you low balled it - unexpected jobsite complications - and if the rain was coming down we wouldn't be in much of a position to argue.