I look at "too well insulated" as meaning the following:
The energy cost savings you will realize during the ownership of the home will not equal or exceed the price differential between the PREFERRED insulation method and rating, and the code-minimum or a more reasonable high-insulation plan.
So, if your code minimum specifies R0 (or no spec) for sub-slab, R10 in below grade walls, R20 in above-grade walls, and R40 in the attic?
By going to R20 in the slab and below grade walls, R40 in above grade walls and R60 in the attic, you'll save energy, probably enough to justify the extra cost of insulation in 7-10 years.
However, going R70 in slab, all walls, and R100 in the attic might be "too much". YES, you'll save more energy. But at that point, diminishing returns have set in. And you'll never offset the enormously increased insulation cost.
This is usually because the person isn't also looking at soft factors like air sealing, comfort levels, thermal breaking, noise reduction, etc.
Yes, ICF generally results in a VERY tight home envelope.
To the point where mechanical ventilation and the planning for it is mandatory.
This is a Good Thing.
When it comes to your home's interior environment, you do NOT want to be "balancing" against exterior environmental factors over which you have no control.
You want CONTROL over the interior environment. PERIOD. With the exterior environment introducing, IDEALLY, NOTHING AT ALL to the mix. Realistically, you want it introducing as little as is feasible.
Then all you have to do is get it to your ideal conditions and spend as little time and energy as possible on maintaining that, while exhausting stale, "polluted" air and bringing in "fresh" air. Again, in a manner and rate YOU control.
Also, simply because an insulation plan IS "overkill" does NOT mean you should NEVER go with it.
You could have very specific, very tight energy goals you're trying to achieve (such as Passive House/Passivehaus). And what you're going overboard in insulation on, you may realize some savings by getting away with through right-sizing of your HVAC systems.
You may also realize cost savings in construction through redundancies.
Say you're going ICF from slab to roof.
While you COULD spec different levels of insulation value for sub-grade and above-grade walls. But, when buying in bulk, the cost differential is negligible, and it becomes easier (labor saving) when you're dealing with components that are all the same size.